Bini Dahal

It was around winter three years ago. Together with my mother, I went shopping at one of the biggest supermarkets in Kathmandu. I was planning to buy a pair of long boots and immediately found one that caught my eyes. On trial, I realised the chain did not slide fully and got stuck in the middle. Hopeful about finding a bigger size, my mother asked a salesgirl at the shop for help. And her reply was: even if you change the size, it won’t fit your legs!
While I am not excessively overweight, I am not exactly thin as well. But her blunt words got the better of me. I could not help but think about other customers who might have got negative body image thanks to such people. I was the one who was spending money in her shop. Also, aren’t clothes meant to be tailored for the human body and not the other way around?
After that, something new began within me. Shopping was no more fun for me; rather I started dreading it to the core. I noticed I was suffering from a serious negative body image disorder. There was not a single day when I was fully satisfied with what I wore and how I looked. Continuous feedback giving and taking on my weight and appearance had further deteriorated my mental health. Even when people around told me I looked fine, I did not feel so. Within these three years, negative body image has improved a lot. Maybe, it is the age that is playing a big role in this. To an extent, I have stopped giving a damn about other’s trivial perceptions of my appearance.
As I exercise in the morning, solely for my health, I read through comments posted on the workout videos. A youngster, just 13-year-old, leaves a comment about wanting to gain abs and asks if she should do the exercise regularly! It scares me. I never fit in the conventional body standards and never tried to fit in as well. But just by reading this comment, I felt overexposure to social media and society’s perception makes any individual over conscious of themselves. This is a hurtful and unnecessary traumatic experience.
Beauty standards and perceptions are everywhere. Even clothes dummies are made with a lean. It passes beyond my understanding as to where these body standards really come from. Someone who is overweight might have some underlying health problems.
They might be trying their best to lose weight without success. We never look at it that way. We call them purely lazy and dismiss their efforts. When I told people around me about following intermittent fasting and eating fewer carbohydrates, I was made fun of. Calling people so-called sweet names like “moti” (fatty) and making jokes about them, hoping they will enjoy it is so not normal.
Sadly, democratic world, it is! It becomes difficult for many people to digest their food without commenting here and there on other’s appearance. Being sensitive about these matters is very essential. We become perpetrators when we make a scratch on someone else’s mind!