Kabita Devkota

What makes people rude… to be exact, rude to some and polite to others? The same person, who is being particularly mean to me, isn’t the same to other people. The same girl, who spurns my greetings with a superior look in her eyes, is extremely amicable to somebody else. The same shop girl, who dismisses me with her supercilious smug smile, is servile to another customer. The neighbour who treats my family with arrogant disdain is oleaginous to another. Is there something about me that inspires cruelty in others, or is it the perpetrators personal shortcomings in being a decent human being?

What made them become so transparent in their snub; do they want the humiliated to be aware of the affront? If yes, the pain and personal humiliation the cold-shoulder triggers in the offended, does that give them pleasure? Is the brush-off pre-mediated or organic? Is such iciness warranted, or perhaps… even deserved? Whatever the motives may be… at the end, at the core of my being, I feel disrespected.

I feel entitled to deference. Humans feel entitled to deference. Among the first thing a Nepalese new-born is actively… unconsciously taught, is the word and gesture of Namaste. Of all the things that the infant could have been taught, out of all the words in our language, we teach them Namaste- a verbal display of respect. Does a new-born understand the nuances, the importance of display of deference? Of course not! Why was it important to inculcate this to a fresh-out-of-womb toddler?

It could have easily taken place later in his life, when he learns alphabets with his spotty school friends or when he starts secondary school. I believe this early indoctrination of importance of display of respect is the projection of a human’s hallowed necessity: being respected by others.

I suspect every single human being is aware of this, either consciously or unconsciously, either in vague or exact terms. We are also aware that respect isn’t readily given. The need to adorn ourselves with degrees of highly-selective prestigious colleges, work high-stress but high-paying jobs all transpires from our attempts at being worthy of respect. If earning respect was the end goal of a fictional organization, the scope of work to be done to achieve it would be extensive: carefully groomed personal appearance, polished body language and manner of speech, decent family background, sizable material possessions, high education and a prestigious alma mater… the list can go on.

Many incidents burn bright in my mind. My university friends, seniors, juniors even teachers would size each other up- rationing the respect to allocate. Two friends obviously physically attracted to each other, but the girl blasting the guy with “you are below my standards”. I remember being scanned by two black beady eyes on my first year of college; the eyes belonged to a professor.

I remember them lingering on my beat up converse shoes and a sudden sly grin appearing on her lips. When I approached her some years later to recommend me for an internship program, the same sly grin returned to her lips. I didn’t even get a no, swift turn of her head and I presumed I had been dismissed. She was known to be particularly fond of students coming from well to do family, she delivered on her proclivity later that year.
I pity us humans, we brought it onto ourselves. We could have just been monkeys running around in a forest.