Nishtha Shrestha

Listening is the starting point of our ability to understand the environment. Without it, the world would be like the old movies with all the characters on mute. This comparison is not intended to suggest that the hearing impaired people live a less rich life than the rest. It is meant to make people aware of the gift that we all so carelessly use and misuse as per our convenience. This point can be explained with two cases, each with a similar intention to provide help but with a difference in the use of the listening skill.

The first case is from a university which recently made headlines for removing ceiling fans from hostel rooms in an attempt to curb suicides. Though the students disagreed to this rule, the authorities felt that this was a valid way to discourage students from this extreme step. The second case pertains to the COVID management.

As the deaths increased and lockdowns started becoming a norm rather than a precaution, the effect was seen in the children. As a result, a leading organisation for children and youth started a campaign to encourage young people to share their feelings and assuring them of support in times of need. Which then was a better solution to address the threat?

A simple question to ask ourselves is are we listening to know or listening to understand the speaker? The first case followed the former while the latter was adopted by the second case. The university identified the rise in suicides but failed to understand the cause behind the same. This led to a decision that neither served the university nor the students. The child organisation, on the other hand, was able to pinpoint the main gap caused by COVID-19. The isolation, fears of losing job, changes in lifestyle, etc. increased the stress of the caretakers. The children were then neglected or they themselves chose to cope with silence. By providing a safe space, the organisation allowed children to speak and listen to others who were going through the same challenges.

In our daily life, we tend to listen like the first case. We want to know the information but without pausing to reflect on what we have heard. This increases the chances of miscommunication, ending the possibilities of future conversations. A study found that one of the barriers in care in Nepal is the refusal of people to share feelings and thoughts. We ask people to talk in times of difficulty but we fail to make the speaker feel heard. The feeling of being heard could include maintaining confidentiality, respecting their boundaries or simply listening without offering opinions. 

Sadly, this is a rare behaviour in our society and thus people think twice before sharing to avoid being judged, stigmatised or a topic of discussion. It is no surprise, then, that this behaviour is applied even in healthcare. It is not possible to be attentive at all times.
But learning to listen, in its true sense, will help us in building better relationships and allow people to show their actual self. Isn't this the real reason we communicate in the first place?